Fire in the heart

That strange feeling was responsible for my brisk walk on treadmill despite the hectic day at office, I was doing workout continuously without taking break which even turned my gym trainer annoyed! But I felt proud of myself for being eyed by the boys out there. I blamed myself for being so adamant, for being so conditional about my life.

I joined gym, I write posts for my blog, I feel confident about my carefree attitude, I feel unusually ecstatic to turn people jealous, and I feel more aware and awake towards my life. 

This strange feeling took me to the terrace just after coming back home instead of sitting with my parents.  I guess, I wanted to figure it out. I felt myself like a bird in the unusually cold breeze, the silver moon – ‘dominant’, and the black clouds – ‘the symbol of power’. I felt as if all natural powers are with me, supporting me and are responsible for the fire which now I feel inside me.  

That fire was making me feel romantic without a lover. I was feeling surrounded even without friends. I was treading the terrace thinking about the reason behind such ecstasy and romance. I still could not make out how to handle this fire filling up my whole body, mind and soul. I didn’t know how I should respond to it either. Should I laugh, should I cry out of thirst and fulfillment at the same time, should I thank God and the heaven? Or should I just think it a strange chemical blunder in my brain and have my dinner and go to sleep.

It was all of a sudden at this slack night that I was continuously talking to myself, making infinite plans about the future as if everything is possible, as if I am the creator of myself. I never felt this happy, this desperate before. I was smiling incessantly. There was definitely something wrong with me. I was already feeling a tickling in my stomach to start something new, and revolutionise my life once and for all. I was completely perplexed but still enjoying the feeling of a child who has just been given a canvas and all sorts of colours and is now thinking – ‘what to paint’!!!

I dare not to compare it with the weighty Buddhist terms like ‘self-entitlement’ or ‘Realisation’, but it was definitely a divine, magical feeling which was not letting me sleep. But to elaborate, I would say that at majority of times we keep following the path we have chosen. There are only few such times in our lifes when we stop at a juncture and are given an opportunity to decide the path ahead. It’s very crucial to take such decisions wisely because the experience of the long journey depends on the short-time decisions.

But people still follow other people and they make them the creators. They follow the hackneyed ideas of other people regarding lifestyle, job and even marriage. Maybe, I was also doing the same mistake – not listening to my heart. But today, this fire, which is not other than my own soul got me on one such juncture to decide my path ahead and re-route the journey. 

We need to extend the dimension of our thinking and imagination despite the day-to-day problems and obstructions which hamper our creative minds. And then see the miracles happening with the fire we all carry in ourselves but seldom delve into. 

I don’t know the future but I am ready to follow the light of this fire until it remains.