Healing weather...

It was the day of result declaration of IXth grade. I woke up at 7:30 in the morning though I was supposed to go with Mummy but she thought she would get late for office. I got more nervous now. But daddy said he would accompany me and will leave within 5 min. I rushed to the dressing room and got ready.

As we reached, it was a well organised programme but I implored daddy to leave as he was getting late but he didn’t feel so. My best friend, Varnita was also sitting next to me.

First, there was prize distribution for Macmillan in which both the sisters got trophies for distinction. And I ??? Nothing. Later, exam results were announced. One of those two sisters came I^st with 83%, another girl II^nd and me III^rd with 80%. But III^rd rank was not announced on stage. I consoled myself, “Fine! Atleast I came Third. Atleast I performed well in finals.” My best friend and her Informatics teacher both congratulated me. But somewhere, somehow, my mind was still upset!!! It was as if the hardwork of the entire year has turned out to be a mere sham. Yes, I was frustrated and upset.

The sun was setting, and I was still crying when I raised my head towards the sky. I spotted two aeroplanes flying across. The streak of black smoke which trailed behind them appeared like a comet or a space shuttle. The setting sun was giving them a golden tinch. Suddenly, I wished if it rained. And believe what, at the end of the day, while having dinner at night, as daddy opened the door when the bulb was blinking, it was thunderstorm!

I said, “I ll come back in 2 minutes” and rushed upstairs. It started lighting and the breeze blew. It was so awesome in the thunder that I lied freely over the wooden ladder for sometime and opened my arms towards the moon. There was no star in the sky. Just faded moon with grey clouds and blue patches of dim sky, but it was giving sweet feelings.

I forgot all my troubles, pressure of studies, everything. and now I was lost in the black world somewhere for eternity.

I sang many songs while having that lovely walk unperturbed by lightening and started playing some happening ones on the i-pod with my feet tapping on -“you stole my heart”. I started to dance. Can you believe that? Dance on terrace when I was so sad after the result.

That was one of the most joyful days of my life, because it makes me believe that it is as easy to recover from a situation as getting more into it. Just a change of weather could sometimes make you forget all your reasons to be unhappy (and can even make you dance).

so celebrate every moment and wait for the rainfall!

The Ringing Bell

Once upon a time, when destiny decided to wreck havoc to people altogether, a Government office got a very cruel and disgruntled person as its Director!!!

Director is someone who heads the department and has full administrative as well as executive control. So he is someone who needs to be sane, judicious and patient. But, this man had an insane habit of torturing the employees by calling them one by one in his chamber for frequent updates and baseless inquiries. The people were pissed off because most of the times, he would insult or shout at them for obscure reasons. Everytime the bell rang, the messenger would rush in and walk out with mischievous air. Everyone would stare at him as if trying to figure out, “Is it my turn now”? And breaking the suspense, who so ever the messenger would point at, rest of the people would take a deep sigh and give pitying look to that person, ‘Poor guy’.

The Director was playing the role of not less than the ‘Hitler’ for the people. Ironically, in government job, people expect lesser work and indulgent environment. But look at him, he had created an environment more stern and harsh than even private companies. Moreover, he would always be skeptical about their performance. 

People were tormented because he would give unrealistic deadlines, or would ask absurd, non-realistic questions, and by the time one mustered up some words in defense, he would embark on another intermittent and wayward lecture. 

He was very impatient, and moody. You would expect him to be satisfied with your earnest performance at work, but he would be roaring in anger, “I gave it to you this very morning, but it’s still incomplete?” And when you would be expecting a scolding, he would be lazing around and making foolish jokes. But you have to laugh even though you couldn’t find it the least bit funny. 

Soon, there was an environment when the bell would ring every now and then. The turnover of the company was falling down to 0. And no one had the courage to even spit out a word because their promotion was as stake. And he was taking full advantage of that. Had it been a private company, he would have surely fired many people, but he anyway issued them strict warning confidential letter (for taking even a day’s leave), else he would send the guys to remote sites conquered by Naxalites ! And the rest of the time, he would bully them by asking them to come on holidays and stay till late. 

The threat was so immense that one day, an old fellow, who was a diabetic patient, got a stroke attack on his last day at office. The next day, another old fellow stumbled on the floor. Last day, he had a blazing row with the boss, and was under constant pressure for few days.

Now here comes the interesting part!!!

Guess, who would be the worst sufferer of all this havoc?  

The messenger- who was tired of the whole day’s toil of running in and out of his room! He was preparing for his B. Com exams, and was not able to study at all. As soon as he would start studying, he would get interrupted by the ringing bell, which he was obliged to attend. He started to feel like a dog that has to follow the bell everytime it rang.  And he was frustrated of trudging here and there the whole day. He was going pale and frail. 

One fine day, he took the notice of a cup of tea lying on the table when the director was not in the room. A smart idea clicked his mind. He opened his drawer and replaced all the tea bags with the ones each having small amount of pesticide in it. He filled the whole box with 100 bags of the same kind. 

Everyday since then, tea made with tea bag having a tinch of pesticide was served to the boss. It was like a slow poison and the result had yet to come which was eagerly awaited. Eventually, after few days, the entire staff was dazed with the news, “Director died last night because of food poisoning during his official tour in Maharashtra.”

Everyone rejoiced! Took a deep sigh of relief because it was more like a ‘good news for them’. A farewell was bidden with the best diplomatic and sugar-coated words ever after which everything went back to normal. The new boss was arriving next month from a site. So, for few days, the company had no boss!!!

It was the best time which all employees saw, in the last 2 years since he had started ruling. They would spend their day partying and watching movies at office without doing any work. They were like independent birds who have just fled the cage. Everyone thought to enjoy these days to the fullest before new director comes, and things get back to serious again. 

But then and there, something strange happened that, gave the messenger the biggest shock of his life. While serving tea to the staff, he heard the sound of the ringing bell coming form the locked room which belonged to the director, who was dead now. As he looked around, everyone was laughing and passing out time, but no one looked startled, as if no one heard anything. 

That bell kept ringing - louder, louder and …

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louder...

Madrasan Amma

Strange the title may appear though but that’s what we used to call a south Indian lady, who supposed to be our neighbor.

Someone like her

We shifted to this residence around 20 years back, when I saw her for the first time – Old, black complexioned wrinkled mass with strange body odor (may be for being an avid fish eater) draped in white saree going with her stark-white hair, and the typical Madrasi tone with a loud pitch of voice. When she would talk, even a person at the corner of the street would come to know. Either you say appearance or lifestyle, she did not change a bit in these 20 years. And the most unique part about her was she used to live all alone away from her family based in Madras.  Though sometimes, her daughter would come to visit her and bring her a little money and other things.

‘Beta‘ ! That’s how she would call me, my brother and mummy and even my grandmother, and ’bhaiya’ was the name for my father!!! Though I could never understand such injustice towards the age difference, but that’s how it has always been.                       

There was a small wall separating our adjoint terraces. The broad edge of the wall used to be the place where we three – me, my brother and she used to talk. She was a funny woman, I must say. She would tell us about her family members, about her hometown, and their customs. Sometimes I would wonder how she is managing her living, alone at such an old age. And we were concerned about her loneliness too. So whenever possible, we would even call her at our place, and have talks. She sometimes would appear like a family member.

I remember when I was around 7, we were enjoying the rain on terrace, she appeared to be collecting the clothes she had hung on the clothesline. As a matter of fun, I was preparing a ‘fake tea’ with brick powder dissolved in rain water collected in two small containers. Seeing her, I took out the third one and offered her tea. Then we all pretended to drink it and enjoy the rain.

Whenever we would go to her home, if she would be watching TV, she would prod us to watch with her, though we would never, out of sense of etiquette. The old, wretched, lady would forcefully give us whatever she could-like a masala pouch, or a piece of sweet, or some different type of salt.

Old and frail though, she was physically very strong. That was a time when we had to fetch drinking water from regular tankers. But since, no one in the family would be available at home, we could not go on weekdays. But that was the spirit of that lady who used to keep our empty can with her and fetch water for us as well. 

Surely, she was much more Juvenile and active than an adult. If, we gave her any eatable in utensils or water in a jug, no matter how tarnished the vessel, she would always return a bright shining utensil back. How enthusiastic towards everything.

Well, after so many years, now can I realise that sometimes it’s good to watch a Television with a neighbor when they insist.  Because that’s not just about watching Television, but the ‘loneliness’. 

I said so because she just died yesterday and I was recalling about the moments when she would be feeling lonely, and we let her be. Her daughter, who had come two days back, was eagerly waiting for her to die so that she could go back to her town soon...

Miss you amma!

5 vs 2...

I have learnt to be happy. Sorry, I meant, I have started to know myself. The quarrel with the boss was awesome. May be it’s stemming from the vital blood of youth. The hunt for a change took me to the nearby gym, and from there to dance classes. Neither seemed to suit me for joining, but the visit was enjoyable, for that called for giving me fulfillment on carrying out the planned tasks of the day!

After having seen myself riding a bicycle in dreams so many times since childhood, I finally borrowed it from a neighbor so as to try it whenever I get time. Obviously, I don’t give a damn to the tattling ladies of the street for their criticism –‘She should have learnt riding a bicycle in the childhood’, “it’s her mom’s fault for not giving her a cycle earlier’, ‘when will you keep your feet on the paddles off the ground’, ‘even my little grandchild rides better’. Actually I laughed on their vague comments and funny suggestions, for that seemed they are merely a slave of time and age.

Too mad about accessories, I guess, I would not have spared a single cosmetic shop to buy myself a string of pearls, bracelets, colourful earrings, and yes, beautiful bangles. I want to buy as much as I can, but don’t know why they all are so short of stock!

I just made a list of sandals of the colours I need. Afterall, Tilak Nagar is a wonderful market for footwear.

Obviously, I am feeling suffocated after bowing to the tyranny of a worldly life for 5 days. And I guess weekend is the only time we ordinary people who belong to the subset called ‘employees’ do get to live our life. But the misery is that sometimes those 5 days become so frustrating that we are left with nothing than to vent out the outburst of the week, and do all bizarre things like these on the weekend.

With a hell lot of dismay, I would say, that’s what has become today’s scenario. I mean, struggling all through the working days under the heat of the competitive environment, and then craving for those 2 days (or just one day) to breathe some air. No health, no rest, no sleep, no entertainment. In short, no life!!!

The irony is that, those 2 days fly like a flick of a second, and before you could steal off sometime for yourself, another 5 days are on your way to make it all the more hell- “The Monday morning”. It’s all the result of oppressive pressure imposed by the schools, colleges, and consequently the companies to get more output in less time from us – ‘The mechanical robots’! We surrender, though from inside, we fret and fume. But this is the rule we are taught to follow since childhood to outstrip the other robots. And with time, the rule is getting more strict and restraining.

It’s not only the sun’s heat which is draining out our energy but the welter of stressful things too. Someone somewhere is definitely making a way through the boring timetable of the week for 5 days. There are just those two days left, which some workaholic people often spend in completing the so called ‘pending’ but actually never-ending tasks at job. So , with due respect, it’s a serious request to renounce such fallacy and instead do something interesting on these 2 days, something which utterly pleases you, something which you want to do for yourself , not to get good incentives at job, something which even makes those 5 days exciting, and makes you stand out of the crowd of people who are leading an aimless, slavish and frugal life.

Do Anything which is your passion, trek on the hills, climb mountains, explore a new restaurant, do experiments, go for some training or hobby classes, or start something on your own to run on weekends, do anything …But live out your life, entirely your own in those 2 days. Because those 5 days is not your life, it’s only the necessities of your life.

Please, don’t think about the whole week, but just about these 2 days…Always!!!

                       

                                                                               

Those Eyes

Like on any regular evening, I took the backseat in my office bus sharp at 5:34. Feeling like munching something, I roved my eyes around to find a local vendor standing behind the bus selling popcorn, bhelpuri, namkeen, chana on his push cart. I love popcorn a lot, but it was not ready just yet. I thought the bus would take quite some more time before all the cab mates arrive.

I asked the vendor for popcorn worth 10 Rs. Promptly, he threw a handful of raw corn into the black kadhai, and covered it with a lid. I was desperately waiting for the fresh, crispy, hot popcorn, when the popping sound started echoing within the vessel.But before, he could pour the popcorn out, the last passenger had arrived, the bus engine roared and we started pacing away from the popcorn-wala.

What I could see behind fading with distance was the popcorn vendor holding the packet of popcorn looking towards our running bus, and his eyes-full of despair, as if something has been looted away from him. Yes, his 10 Rs - the cost of his courage to keep standing in the hot for whole day, the cost of his sweat, the cost of books of his children, medicine for his sick wife, food for his family, and yes, his hope that the tired people coming out of this office would like to buy something from his stall, was this much.

They were the eyes which made me feel guilty. I don’t know what he does with the stale popcorn, neither do I know what do the other vendors, who you can easily see in numbers at almost all busy traffic signals, do with the burnt agarbattis, the coconut pieces, the roasted namkeen papad, and the inflated balloons. But more than that, I could not understand why we, the disgruntled rich, keep bargaining with the poor street vendors. So as to only elope as soon as the signal turns green, leaving behind those eyes.

Those eyes, speak of the poverty of our nation, the breach of hope of every poor citizen who is still making efforts to draw out a little money from the rich for the night meal.

And most unfortunately, those eyes tell us the attitude of some sulky people like us, who pass most of the time on road and at traffic signals in bargaining with the poor. Those eyes show how poor we ourselves are, may be more than them.

Here is the photo of a little poor seller, my friend captured after buying the bouquet from her…

Posham Pa

I always liked the summer evenings, which remind me of the show ‘Malgudi days’ on doordarshan though I don’t know what is the resemblance of the show with the evenings, but I guess, I would watch it during the evening time in my childhood. How can I forget the tune - 'ta na na ta na na na'... It has been years, since I watched that series. There are many such things which have been left behind in this busy city-life over years. 

On a similar weekday evening, when I had returned home from office and was making tea. Suddenly, the noise coming from the street caught my attention. I realised, it was the voice of several children playing in the streets. I was transported back to my childhood days when we kids used to gather in the streets at the same time, play and run. I asked myself, ‘how many of us adults enjoy the evening like this’. No one ofcourse because we have responsibilities and more than that – worries. 

What is it which separates children from adults – I think – attitude. Children have no ego, they have no conscience. They do what they want to without giving it a second thought. No one is going to criticise them for behaving bad or being irresponsible. But we adults have so many things to do, we are important tools of the society and that’s why we are conscious towards our actions.

Yeah! That’s the difference. 

When we are small, neither do we have intellects, nor sense of judgement of right and wrong. We look at the life as it is – school, friends, picnic, spoon-feeding from our parents, love from grandparents, fight with siblings, and pampering from relatives. This is how life appears in the beginning. As we grow up, and as our intellects develop, people gradually start to expect from us to be responsible towards various aspects of life – academics, behaviour, discipline, job, marriage, having children, looking after them, running a family and what not. So this difference is fair because we have to earn, we have to look after our families, their values and customs, and we have our goals to achieve.

That’s how the requirements of the society gradually mould us from a carefree happy child to a responsible citizen. This is a never ending unbreakable chain.

But instead of trying to break free of the chain, I, after preparing the tea, stepped outside and opened the gate.  So many changes have taken place in 20 years, but the song was still the same. It was as if everything was still the same – the summer evening, the ‘Malgudi days’ and my childhood friends (with funny hairstyles), except myself who has now grown into a mature adult who joined them to become a child once for a while…

Poshampa bhai poshampa ,
Dhakuo ne kya kiya
Sau rupaye ki ghadi churai
aath aane ki rabadi khayi
ab toh jail mein aana padega
jail ki roti khani padegi
jail ka paani peena padega.

ab toh jail mein aana padega...

Last day at Training

It had been quite a while before when we had joined the Company and it was the last day of the Induction training.

First session was on rope-ways…and subsequent sessions were on different departments! It was very boring, so as we used to do in college, I started drawing funky sketches in the notepad with my friends, Pratibha and Shobhika. I found it had two benefits, first, my sleep vanished, second, the trainer thought I was noting down his important points!

In the meantime, the training coordinator left for an audit in his dept & now we were entirely on the presenter’s mercy…

Fortunately, the session ended and I clicked few pics with friends on my new phone. After lunch, finding the hall empty, me & Shobhika conquered the stage and started the fun…The photo-session continued. Who knew that the dawn of a month’s training session would soon turn into the precious moments of fun and open interaction with everyone in my batch. 

The entire credit goes to Ramakant who I thought as the most argumentative brat in the group. I never thought he could capture everyone’s attention so wisely & cleverly. He pulled almost everyone’s leg. First he took over the mike and in a sarcastically sincere way asked Anwar to come on the stage & introduce himself in his unique style “Good afternoon, my name is Anwar khan and I am from Alwar, Rajasthan!”

Then he asked a senior, Rajiv (who pronounces his dept’s name QA as ‘kyaoo’A, to imitate the training co-ordinator…) to give us a few guidelines.So he, in his unique funny style entertained us with his short eloquent speech...

Then came Himanshu’s turn who resembles the actor – ‘Nana Patekar! After lil insisting, he recited a romantic poem in Hindi which again reminded me of Nana’s unique way of presenting things.

Sachin was forced to sing a song. He sang ‘chahu mai ya na’ from the movie -Aashiqui 2.That was marvelous. 

Krishna, who is a shy South-Indian, was prodded to sing ‘kolawari D’. After a lot of effort from our ‘MONITER-Ramakant’, he sang a little. That was the time I realised I will miss something if I don’t record it on phone. So little hesitantly, I raised my new Grand-2 up and started the recording but by then, Krishna had finished singing and no one else performed any further. But the leg pulling continued. 

Ramakant asked me to give some advice on how to behave in the company. I said, “the maxim that ’boss is always right’ is really true. Don’t offend anyone be it senior or junior. At the end of the day apart from work, you should have satisfaction with your personal behavior also.”I would have continued further had Ramakant not interrupted me & prove that I am really an incessant talker. 

He continued and asked the lady messenger to sit on the stage and answer to our questions. Later Ramjee, who had not been interactive throughout the programme, was also approached. 

Unbelievably, he was the person whose words proved to be the most striking –“I don’t like this company!!!”. Perplexed expression was on every face. He continued-“I would advise to go for any Master’s course because we would not get this chance later. I am also preparing for GRE (MS). Everyone should do masters and this is the only time for that. Later the age would be gone & family responsibilities would dominate.”

While he spoke I noticed almost everyone’s head nodding in support followed by enthusiastic round of applause as he stopped. This made me wonder how unique is this age when the availability of all career options itself becomes a nuisance! Nearly all youngsters are gushing into preparations in famous  categories like – IAS,IES,GATE,GRE,P.H.D…,& what not…,I heard an opinion,”He is right..we should also join him in GRE preparation”. She was the same girl who, just a few moments back was telling me that she will do PHD after her M.Tech.

But in midst of the world of dynamically changing dreams, I was stern…-“I love my company” and somehow the reason is more emotional than calculative one. I found myself attached with the company not when I joined it but much before then-the next day of the result which implied that I was rejected, and my office cab was drifting past by it. My tearful eyes kept looking at the tall, dignified building…And since then, everyday when our car used to pass by the building, I used to play the same song on my phone– “Abhi mujhme kahin baaqi thodi si hai zindagi”. Second time I felt the connection when the company invited me to join. I was so lucky to hear the news from mummy and that day I myself played the song…And today whenever I look up the building, the emotions have not changed yet. Afterall it’s the first PSU which showed faith in me and took me out of a silent dead world. In return, I also make subtle commitments with the company to pay tribute in whichever way I can…

I started thinking from my school time, when I would see people worrying for college. Then in college I would find people studying incessantly for various competitive exams. In my previous company, I found people dissatisfied with private job. And now, in govt. job, I find people looking for even better options. I literally feel tired of seeing people this unstable. Isn’t it like a race in which people are trying to compete in everything? I don’t understand why everyone wants everything. I am sure an IES would be preparing for IAS, and an IAS will be preparing to enter politics. Though it’s not bad, but where is the break?????????

People! Please have sometime to breathe also and live for a while. Take a little time to feel everything before you move ahead. 

Though, one is right to be ambitious, but sometimes, we should stay and observe instead of being too conditional and impatient. It should not become a lifetime routine to keep searching for a better option without staying anywhere. Afterall experience is one thing which will teach the right and wrong. Why to unnecessary keep running in a blind race which will lead nowhere. Either, one should follow a determined dream, and sacrifice everything else for it, or become a spectator and make out gradually what suits the most on the basis of the experience.