Silence...

Whenever, I escape the busy noisy life of office or the silly funny quarrels of home and meet her, there is a lot of difference. Because she can’t speak.

When I am happy, the silence gives me peace, and when I am sad, the same silence gives me depression. Specially when I want to discuss about our future, when I want to know how would she like our house to be, and when I want to know if I would be able to keep with the silence . The questions keep juggling inside me, unanswered. And now, I feel afraid to ask anyone.

I was wondering whether it’s good or bad – The silence. Sometimes, I want noise because I don’t want to plunge into a dark zone, because I don’t want to be dragged away by thoughts which could be broken by words. But her silence doesn’t let the chain break. Sometimes, I get too engrossed in talking to myself that I get to know about it only when she nudges me, or pats my shoulder. Then, I see her smile with a questioning glance. I avert my eyes away so as to hide my tears, to hide that I feel depressed by the lack of words. If I get annoyed, she doesn’t give any justification to my complaints; neither she relieves me with few soothing words when I am sad.

But, I also found out that she lets my thoughts reciprocate. She lets me talk to myself.

When I leave the busy noisy life of office, or the silly funny quarrels of home to meet her, I get to know my dark side with her. Because, colours can hide everything. It’s only all white which makes you see the tiniest of a blot. And we don’t like to see a blot, that’s why we prefer colours.  That’s why we prefer noise.

But she is peace. I see the things with her which all the noise hides. I don’t know if I would be able to keep with the silence for throughout my life, but I have also seen people with lots of words but no love, the promises which never fulfil, and the commitments which don’t last.

I would be honest in saying that because of the monotony which automatically comes if your partner can’t speak, sometimes I wonder that my life would be better if I had a person who could speak, who could fight with me, or say romantic things. But then I look into her eyes, and it’s like all her emotions are lying deep there in those beautiful black eyes. I hear those eyes saying to me, “I love you”. And then I hold her hand, and I feel life would not be possible without her. I just can’t live without her.  Perhaps that is what love is, that makes you accept the person the way they are, even the silence. If you can’t accept, that is simply not love.  So today, I stroked her hair and gave her a ring, she hugged me and handed over me a violin because I love music.

-          Asif.